So I’ve been thinking about this blog idea for some time. I haven’t told anyone. I think i want to see if i get anywhere with it before letting it out there. There’s also the issue of reactions, I’m thinking of family i guess.
I feel comfortable writing about my mum having Bipolar because I love her, because i don’t feel ashamed of the illness that she lives with, because I’ve learnt over time to look after my own mental health and if blogging about my experiences makes me feel saner then i will. BUT there’s not just me.
My parents are still together and my Dad is my Mum’s main carer. He does an amazing job of what i know can be a horrendous task. Though my Dad and I have over the years become more open he is still a very closed man; its a mystery where he puts his emotions. It’s also the case that i don’t always agree with his take on things and that mainly; there is a lot i think he should hear but haven’t yet been brave enough to tell him.
I have two brothers. One is my twin and who also has a diagnosis of Bipolar. Yes, its in the family. He has the opposite views on Bipolar to my Dad (i think I’m somewhere in the middle); and he is currently living his life drug free, experiencing ups and downs but managing them so as not to be handicapped by them. This has taken years of learning; suffering really. Currently a balance of healthy eating, exercise, transcendental meditation and working part-time works for him, aided hugely by the love of his new wife.
My younger brother, i believe, can struggle to cope with our Mum’s illness in the most internal way. Its not a struggle that i don’t recognise; having spent 15 years working through my feelings on the matter. I think he still struggles with the fact that our Mum often can’t be our Mum anymore. Fair enough, its not a pleasant fact to face. Like being bereaved and yet she lives.
And now, now i have my own family to think of. Perhaps that’s why this is beginning. Its been hard knowing how much and in what way to explain to my children why their granny is the way she is. Something i think my husband and i together have got better at but something that will forever be a part of their lives. Maybe this blog will help?