So i did it, i made the call to my mum to tell her about this blog.
Now, firstly lets be clear; i’m pretty sure my mum doesn’t understand the concept of a blog so an in-depth explanation wasn’t given. My main aim was to explain that i had started to write and that her diagnosis of Bipolar and my experiences as a result were the theme. I wanted to explain that the writing i was doing felt it should have a purpose and so i was going to put it on the internet. I was very clear that i was not asking my mum for permission; rather informing her before the fact. I feel quite strongly that i don’t need mum”s permission as i’m writing about my experiences but i would never be comfortable doing something like this in secret as i’ve often made such a fuss within our family of being open in our communication.
So before telling mum i had shared this blog in its infancy with my brothers. I felt that as family, and sometimes the topic, they could give me an honest reaction. The strong message back from both of them was that i needed to tell mum but that this would be tough, if not scary. Their reactions reminded me of the different relationship i believe i hold with our mum or perhaps more tellingly the work i’ve done on my “issues” with mum’s mental health. At no point have i ever felt that mum would be angry or upset, and i don’t feel that i have (so far) shared anything that she doesn’t already know. I’ve worked very hard at my relationship with mum, i guess because as a teen their wasn’t much of one left, and this work has been based on honesty.
Anyway, it took me a while to get hold of mum (she’s well and busy). And it wasn’t the best scenario as she was in the middle of doing some clearing out and had a sore throat so she didn’t feel very focused on our talking but i told her anyway. The only concern mum appeared to have was that no names were used and i was able to support this. I think that she understands the need i (and my brothers) have to attempt to do something positive with our experiences and i spoke briefly about my aim to share this blog with mental health charities if possible. Mum made little comment and i cant be sure how much she took on, she showed no interest in reading what i’ve done, or not to me anyway.
And so i’m now free to do with this blog as i wish and perhaps start to share its existence. Close friends have been kindly supportive and its appreciated. I think that I’m at the stage now where i need the public to see my posts, to comment good and bad on them so that i can have something to rebound off. We’ll see……